When my kids were little and they said they hated me I would respond with "then that means I am doing my job well".
Fast forward 10 years, what do you say when they say that you are crazy?
The same thing, I guess. Even though I may seem like a crazed overprotective mother, I am simply trying to ensure Jake makes good choices, and when he does not, to make sure I am aware of his mistakes and ensure he is accountable.
Trying to do this with any self centered teen is a chore in itself, trying to navigate through their world and make a point that resonates but is 50 words or less is next to impossible. But throw some slowed processing skills, a lack of emotional regulation and a heap of anxiety into the mix and it is even more difficult.
The teen brain is not actually fully developed until they are in their early 20's, especially the parts that are usually affected by a concussion, the frontal lobe!I liked this article which explained it in simple terms.
I have to remember this when I am asking Jake why he did something "stupid". It is exactly like asking a toddler why they threw a toy or hit another child. They have no idea why, it just felt right at the time and they really did not even give it a thought!
I will do my best to think of this analogy while we muddle though this trying teen behaviour.
I just wish that we had gotten a bit more breathing room after the panic attacks and school refusal now that he is successfully settled in grade 9 ... a few months of rest would have been nice before dealing with the typical teenage brain! Then again, I am always thankful that his brain is in recovery mode and that we have had all the successes that we have been fortunate to have!
Friday 9 November 2012
Saturday 20 October 2012
A Glimpse Back In time
After recently receiving a warning on facebook about private messages from 2009-2010 showing on your wall I went to my wall to check it out. Nothing of the sort, but what I did find was a reminder of why I started this blog.
As I scrolled down my page this picture popped up on my screen.
This was taken in August 2010, a year after Jake's first two concussions. My husband took it and emailed it to me as I was not home when it happened. I came home! Jake did not have any serious issues with the head injury, but it did add to his post concussion symptoms and lengthened his recovery. Thank goodness it had been long enough since his last concussions to avoid 2nd impact syndrome.
Then I scrolled back to 2009 and found these posts.....
Fingers crossed for Trick or Treating....fever fever go away!
- he is going to school tomorrow, but was off today. He was diagnosed with a sinus infection last week and is on antibiotics....but he was still complaining of head ache, sore throat and chest pains last night....he had a chest Xray today, and everything is clear so I am pretty much stumped. It seems like he has never fully recovered since he first got sick around thanksgiving! Even when his friend was over yesterday Jake said he just did not feel quite right, thus the short playdate!This was the start of it all, when Jake seemed to get sick and never recover! It was hard to read that, as now I know the answers to my questions.And then I read thru my facebook posts until now and noticed a recurring theme- Jake's illness, medical questions, and my occassional ranting about my tweens overtly challenging behaviuours that did not seem quite normal. Again, hard to read.And then this post.....I plan to be an advocate for preventing concussions and for recognizing the long term symptoms. So many professionals do not see the link between these symptoms and concussions. Kids - wear your helmet and rest your heads after a head injury!And that is why I do what I do! I wish I could do more.
A Fresh New Start
I cannot believe that the kids have been back in school now for almost 2 months! Time is flying by way too fast for my liking. But back to my first statement...."back in school". And we are! Jake is a full time, participating student again. And I give him kudos for it because he is at school by 8 am every day and has rarely complained about it. He is tired, I can see it is catching up to him a bit lately, he is taking himself to bed early more often than not. I pleasantly surprised him last week one evening by telling him he did not have to get up for school the next morning, just to give him a day to recuperate (and to avoid him feeling so tired and overwhelmed that he may actually refuse to go). And I am going to try and plan a few long weekends away so that he continues to get that occassional break.
If there is one thing that I have learned over the last few years after these concussions, it is to REST when needed. If we had given Jake the time off that he needed after his repeated concussions I am quite sure his recovery time would have been much less. In the end it caught up to him and resulted in him being withdrawn from school for 4 months!
I still have to figure out what to call these days off when I call his absence into the school.....his term is "a day", in the past he would just say he needed "a day"....he could not describe it any other way at that time. Now we know it meant his brain was overworked, and his body was telling him to take a break.
That being said, we do have the understanding and cooperation of the school. Jake is a student identified with post concussion syndrome and anxiety, both of which tend to interfere with his academic achievements. The school is working on finalizing an IEP for him but already have the accommodations in place, and the head of Special Ed happens to have a special interest in brain injury and anxiety! She was actually the one who reminded me that chewing gum can help reduce anxiety as the act of chewing gives the brain something else to focus on. So I am sure that when I do figure out what to call these odd days off she will understand.
If there is one thing that I have learned over the last few years after these concussions, it is to REST when needed. If we had given Jake the time off that he needed after his repeated concussions I am quite sure his recovery time would have been much less. In the end it caught up to him and resulted in him being withdrawn from school for 4 months!
I still have to figure out what to call these days off when I call his absence into the school.....his term is "a day", in the past he would just say he needed "a day"....he could not describe it any other way at that time. Now we know it meant his brain was overworked, and his body was telling him to take a break.
That being said, we do have the understanding and cooperation of the school. Jake is a student identified with post concussion syndrome and anxiety, both of which tend to interfere with his academic achievements. The school is working on finalizing an IEP for him but already have the accommodations in place, and the head of Special Ed happens to have a special interest in brain injury and anxiety! She was actually the one who reminded me that chewing gum can help reduce anxiety as the act of chewing gives the brain something else to focus on. So I am sure that when I do figure out what to call these odd days off she will understand.
Friday 7 September 2012
And high school brings on the tears....
Tears of both sadness and joy!
We had decided to send Jake to the public school that offers different pathways for education, trade experiences and opportunities for apprenticeships. But that meant he would be leaving the school system he was previously in, as well as the small group of peers that he had been in classes with since JK.
So that made starting school this fall extra challenging, not to mention the fact that he had not been in a school setting consistently since January.
The night before the grade 9 orientation was a stressful one, with worries of what do, where to go, fear of the unknown etc. Luckily, every kid in grade 9 is in the same position, no one knows what the heck is going on or what to expect. Except, as Jake pointed out, every other kid does not have anxiety or have pcs. Point taken.
So it was with those worries that he was dropped off at school with all the other grade 9s, very close to having a panic attack, but holding it together enough to be able to cope and get out of the car. And there I sat for a minute, my heart breaking that it was so hard for him and wondering if we would ever get past this point. Until I realized that I looked like a parent who was sad to see their little one growing up and starting high school....so far from the truth behind my tears.
But, even with his anxiousness about the day, Jake did it, and felt good about it after. Apparently it was boring, but not that bad. He did it, just like we had been telling him that he could!
And then the first day of actual school came after that long Labour Day weekend. Jake got up, got himself ready, and went to school. He came home saying it was "good" and that even though it was a long day he would get used to it. That night the tears of joy flowed, knowing that even though his battle with PCS and anxiety is not over yet, we are taking huge steps forward and are in a much better place than we were last spring.
We had decided to send Jake to the public school that offers different pathways for education, trade experiences and opportunities for apprenticeships. But that meant he would be leaving the school system he was previously in, as well as the small group of peers that he had been in classes with since JK.
So that made starting school this fall extra challenging, not to mention the fact that he had not been in a school setting consistently since January.
The night before the grade 9 orientation was a stressful one, with worries of what do, where to go, fear of the unknown etc. Luckily, every kid in grade 9 is in the same position, no one knows what the heck is going on or what to expect. Except, as Jake pointed out, every other kid does not have anxiety or have pcs. Point taken.
So it was with those worries that he was dropped off at school with all the other grade 9s, very close to having a panic attack, but holding it together enough to be able to cope and get out of the car. And there I sat for a minute, my heart breaking that it was so hard for him and wondering if we would ever get past this point. Until I realized that I looked like a parent who was sad to see their little one growing up and starting high school....so far from the truth behind my tears.
But, even with his anxiousness about the day, Jake did it, and felt good about it after. Apparently it was boring, but not that bad. He did it, just like we had been telling him that he could!
And then the first day of actual school came after that long Labour Day weekend. Jake got up, got himself ready, and went to school. He came home saying it was "good" and that even though it was a long day he would get used to it. That night the tears of joy flowed, knowing that even though his battle with PCS and anxiety is not over yet, we are taking huge steps forward and are in a much better place than we were last spring.
Saturday 28 July 2012
A Prescription Never Filled
I have previously referred to 'losing my son' in my blog. After hitting his head multiple times in a short time span Jake suffered long term effects and lost certain coping skills that he had before. He lost the coping skills to deal with the anxiety he had dealt with all of his life. He also lost his ability to regulate his emotions. So when I say we lost him, it was because he was taken over by the anxiety and had turned into someone that we did not recognize. What was previously manageable anxiety turned into panic attacks and emotional outburst that were out of control. Some people are able to verbalize their anxiety and will worry aloud. Others will turn it inward and worry quietly, suffering alone. But Jake was unable to let us know when the anxiety was building (another skill he had lost, which we found out recently), and would suddenly explode in anger at the slightest thing. It could have been a change in routine, or a change in plans, an outing being cancelled or a craving for food not being met. Add to that his general anxiety of going to school and knowing he would struggle there, and you get constant stress. Our lives were in chaos and we did not know where to turn.
We had used medication for anxiety for almost a year and had seen a calmness that was much appreciated. But when Jake was being treated at MMTR (with physio specific to PCS) we decided to take him off the meds as they may have been interfering with his brain recovery. According to several studies the meds may inhibit the body from going into level 4 sleep, restoration mode, which was of utmost importance to Jake's recovery. So we took a chance and hoped that the anxiety levels had gone down. We soon realized that they had not, and the anxiety actually seemed to be even worse than ever, manifesting even more as anger and frustration. I know that it is hard for others to understand how the two can be connected to anxiety but basically the more anxiety Jake felt, the more angry he was. And to try to gain some control of the anxiety he would try to control the world around him, manipulating and behaving in ways to get his way. Not that it is an excuse for his behaviour, but he also had lost the skills to control it when he got to a certain point. That point of no return, when he knew what he was doing but could not stop. He did not like what he was doing, and was always remorseful but he could not seem to get a handle on it.
So, instead of anxiety medications, the neurologist gave me a prescription for Tegretol (carbamazepine), which is used to treat seizures, nerve pain and bipolar disorder. He felt Jake's emotional outbursts were like seizures. In his words, it would help stabilize Jake's emotions and keep him on an even keel, stopping the flood gates from opening. It sounded somewhat reasonable, and we all certainly needed the break from those overbearing emotions. But I never did fill the prescription.
Instead we visited a homoepath. A friend of ours had had success with Jason Devine, a homeopath he just happened to go to see, in desperate need for help with his own anxiety.
And so far, it has been the best thing we could have done to help Jake. We were so thankful to MMTR for relieving Jake of his physical symptoms and now we had finally found someone to help with his emotional mental health issues. Jason spent two hours with Jake and I, discussing everything from Jake's early childhood to if his feet were overly smelly. (Apparently that could actually be quite important!). I can tell you that Jason learnt more about Jake in those 2 hours than any of the doctors, specialists and therapists had been able to get in months! And he gave us some amazing insight into the anxiety, fears and emotional barriers that Jake was experiencing.
Jake was given a remedy to take once, and then we had to check back in a few weeks. For a kid that does not like the feeling of having to take a daily pill for his anxiety, the one dose was great! I also felt better knowing that the philosophy behind the practice was to address the actual issues, not to simply treat and mask the symptoms with medications.
I have to admit it was a slow process, we went through a few doses over several months, and I pulled out that scrawly handwritten prescription several times in desperation while we waited for the remedy to work its magic. But it did, and when it did you bet we knew it was working.
The best way for me to describe it is that Jason had told us that the remedy would direct the body to what was wrong with it and focus on repairing it, starting from the very root of the problem. And that is what we saw evidence of. It is a rather personal journey for Jake, but in short we saw him finding old coping skills and ways to calm himself that he had long forgotten. We saw him acknowledging specific fears and releasing long suppressed emotions that he did not even realize were there. We saw a new willingness to try things that he previously would not have been able to. He was calmer, happier and more open to talking about what he had been going through. We saw those walls of protection he had built up around himself start to crack and allow us to see inside, even if just for a glimpse.
We are still working through the anxiety but there are so many wonderful things that we have witnessed since the homeopathic remedy started working that I wanted to be sure to share it with others.
There are many different therapies and medications out there for anxiety, or experts that say their therapies will help post concussion syndrome, and yet it is up to individuals to navigate the system and choose what path to take. We have taken a few different ones, and truly have a new found faith in homeopathy and hope that it will continue to lead us in the right direction.
Thank you Jason!
We had used medication for anxiety for almost a year and had seen a calmness that was much appreciated. But when Jake was being treated at MMTR (with physio specific to PCS) we decided to take him off the meds as they may have been interfering with his brain recovery. According to several studies the meds may inhibit the body from going into level 4 sleep, restoration mode, which was of utmost importance to Jake's recovery. So we took a chance and hoped that the anxiety levels had gone down. We soon realized that they had not, and the anxiety actually seemed to be even worse than ever, manifesting even more as anger and frustration. I know that it is hard for others to understand how the two can be connected to anxiety but basically the more anxiety Jake felt, the more angry he was. And to try to gain some control of the anxiety he would try to control the world around him, manipulating and behaving in ways to get his way. Not that it is an excuse for his behaviour, but he also had lost the skills to control it when he got to a certain point. That point of no return, when he knew what he was doing but could not stop. He did not like what he was doing, and was always remorseful but he could not seem to get a handle on it.
So, instead of anxiety medications, the neurologist gave me a prescription for Tegretol (carbamazepine), which is used to treat seizures, nerve pain and bipolar disorder. He felt Jake's emotional outbursts were like seizures. In his words, it would help stabilize Jake's emotions and keep him on an even keel, stopping the flood gates from opening. It sounded somewhat reasonable, and we all certainly needed the break from those overbearing emotions. But I never did fill the prescription.
Instead we visited a homoepath. A friend of ours had had success with Jason Devine, a homeopath he just happened to go to see, in desperate need for help with his own anxiety.
And so far, it has been the best thing we could have done to help Jake. We were so thankful to MMTR for relieving Jake of his physical symptoms and now we had finally found someone to help with his emotional mental health issues. Jason spent two hours with Jake and I, discussing everything from Jake's early childhood to if his feet were overly smelly. (Apparently that could actually be quite important!). I can tell you that Jason learnt more about Jake in those 2 hours than any of the doctors, specialists and therapists had been able to get in months! And he gave us some amazing insight into the anxiety, fears and emotional barriers that Jake was experiencing.
Jake was given a remedy to take once, and then we had to check back in a few weeks. For a kid that does not like the feeling of having to take a daily pill for his anxiety, the one dose was great! I also felt better knowing that the philosophy behind the practice was to address the actual issues, not to simply treat and mask the symptoms with medications.
I have to admit it was a slow process, we went through a few doses over several months, and I pulled out that scrawly handwritten prescription several times in desperation while we waited for the remedy to work its magic. But it did, and when it did you bet we knew it was working.
The best way for me to describe it is that Jason had told us that the remedy would direct the body to what was wrong with it and focus on repairing it, starting from the very root of the problem. And that is what we saw evidence of. It is a rather personal journey for Jake, but in short we saw him finding old coping skills and ways to calm himself that he had long forgotten. We saw him acknowledging specific fears and releasing long suppressed emotions that he did not even realize were there. We saw a new willingness to try things that he previously would not have been able to. He was calmer, happier and more open to talking about what he had been going through. We saw those walls of protection he had built up around himself start to crack and allow us to see inside, even if just for a glimpse.
We are still working through the anxiety but there are so many wonderful things that we have witnessed since the homeopathic remedy started working that I wanted to be sure to share it with others.
There are many different therapies and medications out there for anxiety, or experts that say their therapies will help post concussion syndrome, and yet it is up to individuals to navigate the system and choose what path to take. We have taken a few different ones, and truly have a new found faith in homeopathy and hope that it will continue to lead us in the right direction.
Thank you Jason!
Jason Devine, Homeopath
2421 - 4 New Street
Burlington
905-634-2581
Thursday 5 July 2012
Jake's Graduation! Closing one chapter of his life for another. Bittersweet.
It is with both a heavy heart and an open mind that we picked this up from the school last Friday. With Jake being informally home schooled since the spring he had the choice to attend graduation or not. He chose not to. He never wavered in his decision, feeling that he had left that group of peers behind months ago and was completely disconnected from any school events. I made sure he was choosing not to go for his own reasons, and not letting anyone dictate what he could and could not do. I did not want my son missing out on a "milestone of his childhood" because he felt he had to avoid one person, or did not feel welcome. If he did not want to go it was to be on his terms, not because he felt he could not attend. I also did not want him to regret his choice later in life.
In his words, "Mom, I have not gone to that school in months, and I don't even hang out with anyone from there. Why would I want to go?"
Hmmm...I had to think about this afterwards. Because it is a milestone? Because it is the right thing to do? Because it is expected?
But really, those are all self imposed by society, or rather parents and peers. To many young girls it is a big event, the anticipation of what to wear and months of preparation. To the boys it is more a matter of finding dress shoes that they are willing to wear with dress pants and a tie. Maybe even working up the courage to ask a girl for a date. For parents it is that moment on stage when your child receives their diploma, or the mother and son dance before the parents are sent home at the grad dance.
But for Jake, it would actually have been an anxiety provoking event of little relevance to him. I thought of all the unknowns he would have had to deal with, the lack of preparation through the school, the questions asked of him by his peers as to his schooling situation etc, etc. Not to mention the fact that he had no interest in attending. Jake has never been one to go those Saturday night dances at the youth centre, and would attend the school dances begrudgingly, rarely actually dancing at all.
So this "milestone" was not actually viewed as one by Jake. His milestones were when he started being invited to wing night with the older BMX guys from the bike park, or when he moves from the "under 14" division in the Toronto BMX competietion to the "15 and up" division. Or when we meet up with the whole family at the cottage once a year. These are the things that are important to him and have meaning to him. Graduation is a piece of paper that symbolizes an end to a difficult few years and a new beginning in the fall.
As a parent I realized I had to let go of my emotional attachment to graduation and respect Jake's decision. Knowing that he felt good about moving forward made it easier. And the fact that they did not have a dance at all, let alone a mother son one!
So it is with this entry that I close the chapter on Jake's elementary school experience and look forward to the challenges of high school!
Thursday 24 May 2012
The link between brain injury and crime....both disturbing and interesting
"Freedman and Hemenway (2000) found that 12 of 16 death row inmates had a history of brain damage, in many cases due to multiple insults and inflicted by caregivers and family members.
The link between brain injury and crime is thought to be damage to the frontal lobes of the
brain. Frontal lobe injury has been associated with loss of control over sub-cortical and limbic
structures involved in primitive impulses (Grafman et al, 1996). Lesions in these areas may influence functions such as social perception, self-control and judgement, as well as emotions and mood. Thus,the link between brain injury and crime may reflect the effects of brain injury-related cognitive and emotional impairments on behaviour. An individual may misperceive elements of a situation, make poor social judgements, overreact to provocative stimuli, and lack the communication skills to verbally negotiate conflict or strike out impulsively." **
This is being taught in university level criminology courses and psychology courses. It sounds harsh. Especially when I compare it to my son's experience with a traumatic brain injury. Or does it?......
When I try to simply sum up the neurological effect that multiple concussions have had on my son I will often say that he lost the ability to: regulate his emotions, control his anger, problem solve, understand consequences, retain new information, as well as suffering short term memory loss. Not to mention the physical symptoms he experienced, the daily headaches, dizziness, general malaise, which can add to the neurological stress when you are dealing with them daily.
So, is it really that far off what this study is suggesting? I think not. I am not saying that my son, or anyone else suffering from a brain injury, post concussion syndrome or head trauma (all the same thing btw!), is going to end up a criminal or behave in any criminal manner. But, I do agree that the above impairments are part of a brain injury. And I suppose that if not identified, acknowledged or treated in a young person, these impairments could have dire effects on that person's future.
I have to admit that I do recall a conversation with Jake about the need to control his anger. We were talking about his emotional explosions occurring more at home than elsewhere, but if he was not able to control his anger at home then what would happen if he found himself in a situation elsewhere that made him angry. What if he had a rough day, went out to a party with friends and ended up in a confrontational incident with someone. Would he be able to control that rush of emotions and stop the anger and agression from taking over? What if he could not? And what if for some reason he had some sort of weapon on him? Not that I really think he would be capable of hurting someone maliciously, let alone carry a weapon, but there had been recent news stories of teens being killed or hurt by one senseless teen who happened to have a knife at a party, so there were grounds for the conversation. As we talked it through, Jake decided it was "just stupid" for a teen to even go out anywhere with a knife, especially if they were drinking, because they could be asking for trouble. But my point to Jake at the time was that he had to get his anger under control before it took control of him.
And maybe that is what was missing for the individuals referred to in this study, they did not, or could not, take control of their "impairments".
I am appreciative of any research done on brain injury and the awareness it creates, even if it is shed in a negative light. At least this research gives cold hard facts to those who do not understand brain injury, and can address the fact that it is not something to be taken lightly. I am also appreciative that personally we have been able to move beyond the emotional outbursts through therapy and homeopathic treatment (more on that later), and I know that Jake's future is not one where I need to be concerned about his impairments resulting in such criminal activity.
**
http://pi.library.yorku.ca/ojs/index.php/ijcst/article/viewFile/35161/31901
International Journal of Criminology and Sociological Theory, Vol. 5, No.1, June 2012, 864-870
The link between brain injury and crime is thought to be damage to the frontal lobes of the
brain. Frontal lobe injury has been associated with loss of control over sub-cortical and limbic
structures involved in primitive impulses (Grafman et al, 1996). Lesions in these areas may influence functions such as social perception, self-control and judgement, as well as emotions and mood. Thus,the link between brain injury and crime may reflect the effects of brain injury-related cognitive and emotional impairments on behaviour. An individual may misperceive elements of a situation, make poor social judgements, overreact to provocative stimuli, and lack the communication skills to verbally negotiate conflict or strike out impulsively." **
This is being taught in university level criminology courses and psychology courses. It sounds harsh. Especially when I compare it to my son's experience with a traumatic brain injury. Or does it?......
When I try to simply sum up the neurological effect that multiple concussions have had on my son I will often say that he lost the ability to: regulate his emotions, control his anger, problem solve, understand consequences, retain new information, as well as suffering short term memory loss. Not to mention the physical symptoms he experienced, the daily headaches, dizziness, general malaise, which can add to the neurological stress when you are dealing with them daily.
So, is it really that far off what this study is suggesting? I think not. I am not saying that my son, or anyone else suffering from a brain injury, post concussion syndrome or head trauma (all the same thing btw!), is going to end up a criminal or behave in any criminal manner. But, I do agree that the above impairments are part of a brain injury. And I suppose that if not identified, acknowledged or treated in a young person, these impairments could have dire effects on that person's future.
I have to admit that I do recall a conversation with Jake about the need to control his anger. We were talking about his emotional explosions occurring more at home than elsewhere, but if he was not able to control his anger at home then what would happen if he found himself in a situation elsewhere that made him angry. What if he had a rough day, went out to a party with friends and ended up in a confrontational incident with someone. Would he be able to control that rush of emotions and stop the anger and agression from taking over? What if he could not? And what if for some reason he had some sort of weapon on him? Not that I really think he would be capable of hurting someone maliciously, let alone carry a weapon, but there had been recent news stories of teens being killed or hurt by one senseless teen who happened to have a knife at a party, so there were grounds for the conversation. As we talked it through, Jake decided it was "just stupid" for a teen to even go out anywhere with a knife, especially if they were drinking, because they could be asking for trouble. But my point to Jake at the time was that he had to get his anger under control before it took control of him.
And maybe that is what was missing for the individuals referred to in this study, they did not, or could not, take control of their "impairments".
I am appreciative of any research done on brain injury and the awareness it creates, even if it is shed in a negative light. At least this research gives cold hard facts to those who do not understand brain injury, and can address the fact that it is not something to be taken lightly. I am also appreciative that personally we have been able to move beyond the emotional outbursts through therapy and homeopathic treatment (more on that later), and I know that Jake's future is not one where I need to be concerned about his impairments resulting in such criminal activity.
**
http://pi.library.yorku.ca/ojs/index.php/ijcst/article/viewFile/35161/31901
International Journal of Criminology and Sociological Theory, Vol. 5, No.1, June 2012, 864-870
Thursday 17 May 2012
Mother's Day Bliss
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you awesome mothers out there!
I was not able actually post this on Mother's Day because I was too busy.....I was busy being served breakfast in bed by my kids, sitting in the backyard enjoying my new anti-gravity chair, sipping a nice cold beer and being soaked in a water balloon fight. It was the best day we have had in a long time! I say "we" with a huge smile on my face. Jake actually stayed home all day, forsaking riding with his friends to stay home and hang out with his family. And no one asked him to. Now, moms of teens will understand how rare it is that a teen actually spends quality time with the fam, let alone doing so on their own accord...happily!
Jake and Kali spent the whole day laughing, play fighting, and filling up hundreds of water balloons. (Too many of which were used on me later that day!!).
Just that feeling of knowing how far we have come, despite the uphill battle it has been, seeing my kids soaking wet, laughing and joking was the best feeling in the world and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world.
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you awesome mothers out there!
I was not able actually post this on Mother's Day because I was too busy.....I was busy being served breakfast in bed by my kids, sitting in the backyard enjoying my new anti-gravity chair, sipping a nice cold beer and being soaked in a water balloon fight. It was the best day we have had in a long time! I say "we" with a huge smile on my face. Jake actually stayed home all day, forsaking riding with his friends to stay home and hang out with his family. And no one asked him to. Now, moms of teens will understand how rare it is that a teen actually spends quality time with the fam, let alone doing so on their own accord...happily!
Jake and Kali spent the whole day laughing, play fighting, and filling up hundreds of water balloons. (Too many of which were used on me later that day!!).
Just that feeling of knowing how far we have come, despite the uphill battle it has been, seeing my kids soaking wet, laughing and joking was the best feeling in the world and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world.
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| My Mother's Day card from Jake. CLASSIC! |
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| My Mother's Day card from Kali, she knows me well, I love cherries! |
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Our Choice
It has been a while since I blogged about the roller coaster ride we are on. I wanted to write down my emotions and struggles, to document and share our story as usual, but I was also hesitant to share those thoughts in fear of being judged. Now I am glad to be able to update my blog and am proud of the choice we have made.
We pulled Jake out of school.
And we now know that it was the best possible decision that we could have made for our son.
It was a hard one and I do not expect everyone to understand it. In fact, I expect very few people to understand it, but those that do will agree that sometimes you need to do what is best for your child and not to worry about the "system" or the norm.....or being judged for your actions.
Out of respect for Jake's privacy I have not written a lot about school and the issues we were having, but there were issues and one's that I would not wish upon anyone! In short, the process of putting a formal IEP (Individual Edication Plan) in place with teachers support was a long one, and Jake never really felt that his teachers understood his needs or challenges. We also suddenly realized that even though Jake had looked like he was doing ok last year, none of the concepts taught to him "stuck". He had coasted along but with short term memory challenges and lack of problem solving skills due to PCS, he did not gain the pre-requisite skills required for grade 8. Combine those academic setbacks with the general anxiety Jake already felt about school, and the social challenges (which I wrote about a few months ago) and you have a recipe for school refusal.
School refusal is a very scary behaviour for both the parents and the child. I will sum it up by saying that Jake's wish to not go to school was so huge that he missed out on things near and dear to him when given ultimatums. Having to deal with emotions that overwhelming must be very scary to a 13 year old. And as a parent you are scared of the judgement, of the consequences from the school and law, and more importantly, for your child's future.
So we decided to save our relationship with our son, to give him the opportunity to heal, rest and succeed rather than forcing him to face his biggest stress every day.
Even with those very specific goals we still doubted ourselves, until today. Today I witnessed first hand what Jake had been trying to tell us for months. At a school function I saw a complete lack of empathy, understanding and support from teachers for a child in need. A middle school student sat in tears on a stage during a school play as he forgot his lines and froze. Two staff were in the wings of the stage, and yet for two minutes that child sat with head in hands, crying, until the other students continued on with their lines and the curtain closed on the act. Just before the curtain closed I saw a younger student get up from the audience to go and help. But the adult staff did not make a move to support this child. Myself and other parents around me were in shock, concerned that this poor child had to endure those long two minutes on stage without anyone coming to his rescue. Luckily another student stepped in for the 2nd act so the child could leave the stage. But it did not end there. That child was told to apologize to the class after the play. This child, who knew all their lines during rehearsal, who simply got stage fright and then broke down emotionally on stage, had to apologize...????? For what?? I can tell you that none of those fellow classmates expected an apology, because they were asking that child in the hallway after if they were ok, not laying blame or thinking of themselves.
The very fact that I witnessed a child not receiving the support that they needed, and then to learn of the aftermath only confirmed to me what I already knew and what Jake had been trying to tell me all along. Like this child, Jake did not feel supported or understood within his school environment.
Today was the day that I knew we did the right thing.
We are still waiting on board approved home instruction from the school board, which will allow a teacher to provide home instruction for 3 to 5 hours a week to us. In the meantime we are doing the odd project at home, researching and creating meaningful activities for Jake. And we are seeing that without the daily stress of school, Jake is thriving! Over the past few weeks we have seen more and more of the old Jake, and also of a new Jake, one who is more mature and who is able to overcome some of his anxieties (some of which he does not even realize he is doing, until he is reminded of what he has struggled with in the past).
I am confident that what we are seeing is a direct result of the choice that we made last month.
Cheers to a new start for Jake and for us as parents for doing what we knew deep down was the right thing for our family.
We pulled Jake out of school.
And we now know that it was the best possible decision that we could have made for our son.
It was a hard one and I do not expect everyone to understand it. In fact, I expect very few people to understand it, but those that do will agree that sometimes you need to do what is best for your child and not to worry about the "system" or the norm.....or being judged for your actions.
Out of respect for Jake's privacy I have not written a lot about school and the issues we were having, but there were issues and one's that I would not wish upon anyone! In short, the process of putting a formal IEP (Individual Edication Plan) in place with teachers support was a long one, and Jake never really felt that his teachers understood his needs or challenges. We also suddenly realized that even though Jake had looked like he was doing ok last year, none of the concepts taught to him "stuck". He had coasted along but with short term memory challenges and lack of problem solving skills due to PCS, he did not gain the pre-requisite skills required for grade 8. Combine those academic setbacks with the general anxiety Jake already felt about school, and the social challenges (which I wrote about a few months ago) and you have a recipe for school refusal.
School refusal is a very scary behaviour for both the parents and the child. I will sum it up by saying that Jake's wish to not go to school was so huge that he missed out on things near and dear to him when given ultimatums. Having to deal with emotions that overwhelming must be very scary to a 13 year old. And as a parent you are scared of the judgement, of the consequences from the school and law, and more importantly, for your child's future.
So we decided to save our relationship with our son, to give him the opportunity to heal, rest and succeed rather than forcing him to face his biggest stress every day.
Even with those very specific goals we still doubted ourselves, until today. Today I witnessed first hand what Jake had been trying to tell us for months. At a school function I saw a complete lack of empathy, understanding and support from teachers for a child in need. A middle school student sat in tears on a stage during a school play as he forgot his lines and froze. Two staff were in the wings of the stage, and yet for two minutes that child sat with head in hands, crying, until the other students continued on with their lines and the curtain closed on the act. Just before the curtain closed I saw a younger student get up from the audience to go and help. But the adult staff did not make a move to support this child. Myself and other parents around me were in shock, concerned that this poor child had to endure those long two minutes on stage without anyone coming to his rescue. Luckily another student stepped in for the 2nd act so the child could leave the stage. But it did not end there. That child was told to apologize to the class after the play. This child, who knew all their lines during rehearsal, who simply got stage fright and then broke down emotionally on stage, had to apologize...????? For what?? I can tell you that none of those fellow classmates expected an apology, because they were asking that child in the hallway after if they were ok, not laying blame or thinking of themselves.
The very fact that I witnessed a child not receiving the support that they needed, and then to learn of the aftermath only confirmed to me what I already knew and what Jake had been trying to tell me all along. Like this child, Jake did not feel supported or understood within his school environment.
Today was the day that I knew we did the right thing.
We are still waiting on board approved home instruction from the school board, which will allow a teacher to provide home instruction for 3 to 5 hours a week to us. In the meantime we are doing the odd project at home, researching and creating meaningful activities for Jake. And we are seeing that without the daily stress of school, Jake is thriving! Over the past few weeks we have seen more and more of the old Jake, and also of a new Jake, one who is more mature and who is able to overcome some of his anxieties (some of which he does not even realize he is doing, until he is reminded of what he has struggled with in the past).
I am confident that what we are seeing is a direct result of the choice that we made last month.
Cheers to a new start for Jake and for us as parents for doing what we knew deep down was the right thing for our family.
Always be sure to follow your instincts, there is nothing stronger than that.
Sunday 25 March 2012
The 2 Year Sit and Wait Health Care System
After persistence and research, we finally received the referral to the Pediatric Brain Injury Clinic at MacMaster Children's Hospital in Hamilton. And much to my surprise we actually got an appointment within 2 weeks! Jake was seen by a pediatric neurologist who kind of reminded me of Mr Rogers. Jake had a rather different way of describing him, but I liked the doctor's manner anyway!
After filling him in on Jake's details, he summed it all up in this way, "it sounds like you have had first hand experience with our 2 year sit and wait health care system". He summed up our experience perfectly! From the first time we visited ROCK (Reach Out Centre for Kids in Burlington) when Jake was 4 and experiencing anxiety to the current situation of having to ask over and over again about additional supports for post concussion syndrome, we have been sent away to sit and wait. The health care system is willing to help you out as fast as they can on your first visit. They give you a portion of their time, listen to your story, give you some resources and coping strategies and send you on your way. Granted, they do say if you are still in need in the future to come back, and they will re-evaluate. But, they are really sending you away to see if things get better. If so, they have done their job and you have been helped. They are streamlining their services, because those who really need the help will come back and those who don't will not.
Time does heal, but not everything. In our case valuable time was wasted and if we had been seen in the Pediatric Head Injury Clinic sooner, we may have been able to reduce Jake's symptoms sooner and avoided being in the situation we are in now, 2 and a half years later.
But, with all that being said, and having been handled as a "sit and wait" situation, I am glad that we are on the right track once again. I am thankful to MMTR Health for eliminating Jake's physical symptoms and now I look forward to understanding what is going on in his brain. He is scheduled for full neuro-pysch assessment in June.
After filling him in on Jake's details, he summed it all up in this way, "it sounds like you have had first hand experience with our 2 year sit and wait health care system". He summed up our experience perfectly! From the first time we visited ROCK (Reach Out Centre for Kids in Burlington) when Jake was 4 and experiencing anxiety to the current situation of having to ask over and over again about additional supports for post concussion syndrome, we have been sent away to sit and wait. The health care system is willing to help you out as fast as they can on your first visit. They give you a portion of their time, listen to your story, give you some resources and coping strategies and send you on your way. Granted, they do say if you are still in need in the future to come back, and they will re-evaluate. But, they are really sending you away to see if things get better. If so, they have done their job and you have been helped. They are streamlining their services, because those who really need the help will come back and those who don't will not.
Time does heal, but not everything. In our case valuable time was wasted and if we had been seen in the Pediatric Head Injury Clinic sooner, we may have been able to reduce Jake's symptoms sooner and avoided being in the situation we are in now, 2 and a half years later.
But, with all that being said, and having been handled as a "sit and wait" situation, I am glad that we are on the right track once again. I am thankful to MMTR Health for eliminating Jake's physical symptoms and now I look forward to understanding what is going on in his brain. He is scheduled for full neuro-pysch assessment in June.
Saturday 10 March 2012
The Bullying Epidemic
As kids we knew about bullying, it happened after school, on the way home, or at the park on the weekend. Bigger kids would pick on little kids, steal their lunch money on route to school, or girls would whisper behind each other's backs and call each other nasty names. It happened, and was not often talked about. Parents rarely got involved, and the schools seemed to turn a blind eye.
But times have changed, and we now know that bullying is damaging to a child's self esteem, having long lasting effects on the victim and is often the cause of childhood depression and even suicide. At the same time we know that we need to address the bully themselves, and look at the reasons behind their behaviour. No one is a bully because they actually enjoy it, they may be doing it in response to the way they are being treated, or trying to gain attention that they do not otherwise get, or they may actually be reaching out in an inappropriate cry for help. As a society we have decided to put an end to bullying. But what does that mean?
Schools have implemented "Zero Tolerance" policies and "Anti Bullying Month", in attempts to enforce their rules as well as teach students morals and values. And yet, for all the preaching, modelling and policy making, bullying has become a huge issue in the school system. Look at this article written in the Burlington Post, summing up several cases over the last few years. And this weekend I found this Editorial in the Burlington Post, which to me, answered exactly why bullying is still such an issue in a few words, " The message relayed by adults is not going to permeate the ears of the bullies; hopefully it’s heard by the victims so they know it’s OK to seek help, and by their peers, who must intervene. Bullying will only become uncool when the anti-bullying movement is student-initiated".
"Bullying will only become uncool when the anti-bullying movement is student-initiated".
That is the answer. Schools have student led committees for "social justice", why not for "peers for positive interaction", or for "banish bullying". If students can take the lead and be passionate about something then they will succeed in spreading that passion and others will buy into it. Thus, you end up with a student body that will not tolerate unkind treatment of others and will stop it in it's tracks.
Of course, teaching those morals and values starts at home, before a 4 year old even walks into the kindergarten playground. However, when you get a group of children from very different backgrounds spending 6 hours a day together, it does become a school issue.
And, to be honest, I am focusing on the schools because we have been let down by the school system with regard to bullying. Jake has been dealing with an aggravating peer since September 2011. That was when Jake's morning routine changed, he went from being anxious about being at school early to wanting to wait in the car until the very last minute. Since September the bullying has morphed into various types of behaviour, the most recent being more underground, with name calling and slanderous comments made to other students and being relayed back to Jake. Now our morning routine is not that of Jake wanting to wait in the car, it is him not wanting to go to school at all. Since January Jake has been refusing to go to school and having panic attacks if we force him to go.
Now, I am not naive. Jake has many other issues he is dealing with, and I cannot blame everything on the situation at school. However, I look back to September, when we first spoke with the principal about wanting to "nip it in the bud" so that we did not go from those changes in routine to school refusal. And yet, here we are now, with Jake being in school half days (if at all), and I am angry that one of the reasons is bullying. If bullying was not an issue maybe he would have been less likely to give up on school.
And what does this have to do with Post Concussion Syndrome? As the neurologist told us, Jake lost his coping skills with his concussions. Which means that where he may have been able to handle the situations at school in the past, now he deals with them by avoidance. So that leaves us with a 13 year old in grade 8 who should be having his best year in elementary school, enjoying the last year with his friends, at the top of the heap...and yet we have a boy who has dissociated himself with the school and his peers, who is counting the days until he graduates with a fresh start in a new high school.
But times have changed, and we now know that bullying is damaging to a child's self esteem, having long lasting effects on the victim and is often the cause of childhood depression and even suicide. At the same time we know that we need to address the bully themselves, and look at the reasons behind their behaviour. No one is a bully because they actually enjoy it, they may be doing it in response to the way they are being treated, or trying to gain attention that they do not otherwise get, or they may actually be reaching out in an inappropriate cry for help. As a society we have decided to put an end to bullying. But what does that mean?
Schools have implemented "Zero Tolerance" policies and "Anti Bullying Month", in attempts to enforce their rules as well as teach students morals and values. And yet, for all the preaching, modelling and policy making, bullying has become a huge issue in the school system. Look at this article written in the Burlington Post, summing up several cases over the last few years. And this weekend I found this Editorial in the Burlington Post, which to me, answered exactly why bullying is still such an issue in a few words, " The message relayed by adults is not going to permeate the ears of the bullies; hopefully it’s heard by the victims so they know it’s OK to seek help, and by their peers, who must intervene. Bullying will only become uncool when the anti-bullying movement is student-initiated".
"Bullying will only become uncool when the anti-bullying movement is student-initiated".
That is the answer. Schools have student led committees for "social justice", why not for "peers for positive interaction", or for "banish bullying". If students can take the lead and be passionate about something then they will succeed in spreading that passion and others will buy into it. Thus, you end up with a student body that will not tolerate unkind treatment of others and will stop it in it's tracks.
Of course, teaching those morals and values starts at home, before a 4 year old even walks into the kindergarten playground. However, when you get a group of children from very different backgrounds spending 6 hours a day together, it does become a school issue.
And, to be honest, I am focusing on the schools because we have been let down by the school system with regard to bullying. Jake has been dealing with an aggravating peer since September 2011. That was when Jake's morning routine changed, he went from being anxious about being at school early to wanting to wait in the car until the very last minute. Since September the bullying has morphed into various types of behaviour, the most recent being more underground, with name calling and slanderous comments made to other students and being relayed back to Jake. Now our morning routine is not that of Jake wanting to wait in the car, it is him not wanting to go to school at all. Since January Jake has been refusing to go to school and having panic attacks if we force him to go.
Now, I am not naive. Jake has many other issues he is dealing with, and I cannot blame everything on the situation at school. However, I look back to September, when we first spoke with the principal about wanting to "nip it in the bud" so that we did not go from those changes in routine to school refusal. And yet, here we are now, with Jake being in school half days (if at all), and I am angry that one of the reasons is bullying. If bullying was not an issue maybe he would have been less likely to give up on school.
And what does this have to do with Post Concussion Syndrome? As the neurologist told us, Jake lost his coping skills with his concussions. Which means that where he may have been able to handle the situations at school in the past, now he deals with them by avoidance. So that leaves us with a 13 year old in grade 8 who should be having his best year in elementary school, enjoying the last year with his friends, at the top of the heap...and yet we have a boy who has dissociated himself with the school and his peers, who is counting the days until he graduates with a fresh start in a new high school.
Tuesday 21 February 2012
What A Day!!!! From despair to empowerment!
We are only just surviving right now, on many levels. Jake's "I don't care attitude" is at an all time high, and as parents we are at an all time low! Today Jake made some poor choices this morning that led to him losing a privilege that is very important to him. Details spared, we are dealing with aggression, anger, anxiety and manipulation. However....I had quite the day and feel like I went from despair to empowerment.
I tried to get a referral from the Neurologist to the local Brain Injury Clinic at McMaster Children's Hospital in the past, but was told that Jake may not be a candidate for it. Which I accepted, until recently when I have realized that Jake would benefit from wrap around care with a neuropsychologist, a social worker, an occupational therapist etc etc. After speaking with Kerry Goulet and Scott Haller from www.stopconcussions.com, Carla from Ontario Brain Injury Association and someone from Brain Injury Services over the last few days, I was advised to push for that referral. And so I did! When I called our neurologist, I was told that he is "too swamped" to do a referral, we would be best to get it from the pediatrician or family doctor. Who am I to argue? I drove the referral form to the pediatrician and she agreed to submit it for us.
I also picked up the homeopathic remedy that we are going to try for the emotional outbursts, as we are not ready to try any more prescription drugs at this point. Fingers crossed!
In my recent conversations I was also referred to a neuropsychologist at University of Toronto, and even though we cannot go private right now, we may be able to get some advice at the least. I am just waiting for their return call.
I also dragged Jake to physiotherapy at MMTR even though he originally refused to go....and he was better for it, he is in a fairly good mood tonight!
And I finally got the IEP from the school in writing, I just need to request a few details to be added...
So, an emotional day but I accomplished a lot. And I realized that while he is most likely using his PCS to avoid things he does not like, there is a reason Jake does not like these things. They are hard for him, challenge him, and make him anxious. Maybe I just needed a reminder and Jake needed a wee bit of tough love.
I tried to get a referral from the Neurologist to the local Brain Injury Clinic at McMaster Children's Hospital in the past, but was told that Jake may not be a candidate for it. Which I accepted, until recently when I have realized that Jake would benefit from wrap around care with a neuropsychologist, a social worker, an occupational therapist etc etc. After speaking with Kerry Goulet and Scott Haller from www.stopconcussions.com, Carla from Ontario Brain Injury Association and someone from Brain Injury Services over the last few days, I was advised to push for that referral. And so I did! When I called our neurologist, I was told that he is "too swamped" to do a referral, we would be best to get it from the pediatrician or family doctor. Who am I to argue? I drove the referral form to the pediatrician and she agreed to submit it for us.
I also picked up the homeopathic remedy that we are going to try for the emotional outbursts, as we are not ready to try any more prescription drugs at this point. Fingers crossed!
In my recent conversations I was also referred to a neuropsychologist at University of Toronto, and even though we cannot go private right now, we may be able to get some advice at the least. I am just waiting for their return call.
I also dragged Jake to physiotherapy at MMTR even though he originally refused to go....and he was better for it, he is in a fairly good mood tonight!
And I finally got the IEP from the school in writing, I just need to request a few details to be added...
So, an emotional day but I accomplished a lot. And I realized that while he is most likely using his PCS to avoid things he does not like, there is a reason Jake does not like these things. They are hard for him, challenge him, and make him anxious. Maybe I just needed a reminder and Jake needed a wee bit of tough love.
Monday 20 February 2012
Classroom Flipping...Have you heard of it? AMAZING!
I am not going to say much about this post, but please check out the video yourself if you have not already seen it.
The whole idea of homework is archaic and I love the idea of learning the lesson at home and then actually doing the work in class as a group. Why struggle to do the homework when the teacher is not there to help you?
I think the whole education system needs to be FLIPPED!!!!
Lots more detail on Flipping the Classroom on the
FIZZ website.
The whole idea of homework is archaic and I love the idea of learning the lesson at home and then actually doing the work in class as a group. Why struggle to do the homework when the teacher is not there to help you?
I think the whole education system needs to be FLIPPED!!!!
Lots more detail on Flipping the Classroom on the
FIZZ website.
Monday 13 February 2012
What do I want for my birthday?
It is my birthday tomorrow. And it is my husband, Mike's birthday too. We were born on the same day, Valentine's Day, in the same year.....4 minutes apart. Someone once told us we were either twins or complete opposites. 21 years later and we are still trying to figure out which!
Anyway, this year I know without even asking, what Mike wants for his birthday. I want the same thing. We want our son back. We want our son with the quirky sense of humour, the one who speaks in silly voices so much that it is contagious, who is not too big to give his mom hugs, who has compassion for those with special needs, and loves to draw. We see him on occasion, but lately he is hidden behind an angry, frustrated kid who is ready to give up on himself. For my birthday I want nothing more than for that kid to take a back seat, and for Jacob to shine again.
Jake is struggling academically, he seems to have gotten himself into a vicious cycle at school. He has days where he is so overwhelmed (either by anxiety caused by workload, inappropriate expectations of him, or bullying issues) that he has a panic attack even before he goes out the door. Or sometimes they even happen in the middle of the night, he will wake up in a confused and scared state during a night terror that stems from anxiety. Other days he is just too tired to be able to get out of bed and function. These are happening less often, due to his physiotherapy, but if he over exerts himself on a weekend or evening he pays the price the next day. Or there are days where he refuses to go to school because he "hates it" and does not see the point of going. When he has these mornings he does tend to miss school. It is not without a fight from us, we do not simply give in and let him stay home all day playing video games. It is quite often a huge battle of wills, thrown out consequences and fear on our part of being "played". (That is another story.) Anyway, after taking a day to regroup, Jake plans to go to school the next day. But then he wakes up and thinks about the work he has missed, how much he has to catch up on, tests he will be missing information on, and the trouble he will get in for missing school in the first place. Unfortunately the school system plays upon this fear, "you should have been at school", "you have a lot of catching up to do".......yes he does, but Jake does not need constant reminders of that after struggling to walk through the front doors. He needs a "hey, good to see you made it", or, "let's figure out how to catch you up".........This is how that vicious cycle I was referring to works.
In a perfect world this cycle would be broken and Jake would buy back into the school system, being set up for success....but even in this perfect world Jake would need to help himself too. Which he does not. So I guess I need to add that to my birthday wish list. I wish Jake would help himself, because you cannot help someone if they are not willing to help themselves. He has given up on himself and does not understand that he is important enough to make the effort, that he is worth it. I want him to see that even with the help of all the counselors, therapists, teachers, psyhiologists, neurologists etc, he still has to do the work himself. I wish that Jake would see that he has huge potential and that he can overcome this.
And with that I blow out my 29 birthday candles and make my 2 wishes. And Mike's wishes too.
Happy Birthday to me and Mike!
Anyway, this year I know without even asking, what Mike wants for his birthday. I want the same thing. We want our son back. We want our son with the quirky sense of humour, the one who speaks in silly voices so much that it is contagious, who is not too big to give his mom hugs, who has compassion for those with special needs, and loves to draw. We see him on occasion, but lately he is hidden behind an angry, frustrated kid who is ready to give up on himself. For my birthday I want nothing more than for that kid to take a back seat, and for Jacob to shine again.
Jake is struggling academically, he seems to have gotten himself into a vicious cycle at school. He has days where he is so overwhelmed (either by anxiety caused by workload, inappropriate expectations of him, or bullying issues) that he has a panic attack even before he goes out the door. Or sometimes they even happen in the middle of the night, he will wake up in a confused and scared state during a night terror that stems from anxiety. Other days he is just too tired to be able to get out of bed and function. These are happening less often, due to his physiotherapy, but if he over exerts himself on a weekend or evening he pays the price the next day. Or there are days where he refuses to go to school because he "hates it" and does not see the point of going. When he has these mornings he does tend to miss school. It is not without a fight from us, we do not simply give in and let him stay home all day playing video games. It is quite often a huge battle of wills, thrown out consequences and fear on our part of being "played". (That is another story.) Anyway, after taking a day to regroup, Jake plans to go to school the next day. But then he wakes up and thinks about the work he has missed, how much he has to catch up on, tests he will be missing information on, and the trouble he will get in for missing school in the first place. Unfortunately the school system plays upon this fear, "you should have been at school", "you have a lot of catching up to do".......yes he does, but Jake does not need constant reminders of that after struggling to walk through the front doors. He needs a "hey, good to see you made it", or, "let's figure out how to catch you up".........This is how that vicious cycle I was referring to works.
In a perfect world this cycle would be broken and Jake would buy back into the school system, being set up for success....but even in this perfect world Jake would need to help himself too. Which he does not. So I guess I need to add that to my birthday wish list. I wish Jake would help himself, because you cannot help someone if they are not willing to help themselves. He has given up on himself and does not understand that he is important enough to make the effort, that he is worth it. I want him to see that even with the help of all the counselors, therapists, teachers, psyhiologists, neurologists etc, he still has to do the work himself. I wish that Jake would see that he has huge potential and that he can overcome this.
And with that I blow out my 29 birthday candles and make my 2 wishes. And Mike's wishes too.
Happy Birthday to me and Mike!
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Prepping for High School with PCS
It is that time again......grade 8's completing their option sheets, attempting to plan the rest of their lives with peer pressures and minimal direction. Do we really expect these 13 year olds to determine their life goals and career options with the underdeveloped brains that they possess???? I have to ask Jake at least twice if he is sure the jeans he is about to buy fit properly. (He tends to think he is still in a size 12!!!)...and thinking ahead for dinner ideas when going grocery shopping? Yeah right!
So what makes us think that he will be able to tell us if he thinks he will need French in his future, or if he can handle academic level classes? Throw a brain injury into the mix and who knows what the results will be!
That is why Jake is going to a different school than his peers in his current class. We are jumping ship from the small, underpopulated Catholic JK to Grade 8 school he is in now, and going to Grade 9 in the public system. 98% of his class will be going to the two local Catholic schools, depending on where they live. Jake and one other classmate that I know of will be pursuing alternate education. Don't get me wrong, he is not attending a specialized school or private school. It just happens that the public school near us has much more to offer to those who have different learning styles than the academic-minded Catholic School.
Robert Bateman High School believes that all children can learn, "some students learn differently, some students have different gifts, some students have different capacities to demonstrate mastery of new learning". That is where Jake needs to be. Somewhere that he is supported in his struggles and respected for his talents. Once he is settled into high school and been given the opportunity to explore different options and technological programs, then he can decide if he wants to apprentice, go to college etc.
I had thought it would be difficult for Jake to even consider leaving his peers for academic reasons, but he was excited to learn about the opprtunities that Bateman offers and had now decided he wants to apprentice to be a chef. Hmmm....and he is only 13! Kidding, I know this life decision is not set in stone. However for him to go from not wanting to finish grade 8 let alone high school, to being enthusiastic about the fall because of the chef program......AMAZING! (more on the school refusal issues later, that is our current struggle!)
So what makes us think that he will be able to tell us if he thinks he will need French in his future, or if he can handle academic level classes? Throw a brain injury into the mix and who knows what the results will be!
That is why Jake is going to a different school than his peers in his current class. We are jumping ship from the small, underpopulated Catholic JK to Grade 8 school he is in now, and going to Grade 9 in the public system. 98% of his class will be going to the two local Catholic schools, depending on where they live. Jake and one other classmate that I know of will be pursuing alternate education. Don't get me wrong, he is not attending a specialized school or private school. It just happens that the public school near us has much more to offer to those who have different learning styles than the academic-minded Catholic School.
Robert Bateman High School believes that all children can learn, "some students learn differently, some students have different gifts, some students have different capacities to demonstrate mastery of new learning". That is where Jake needs to be. Somewhere that he is supported in his struggles and respected for his talents. Once he is settled into high school and been given the opportunity to explore different options and technological programs, then he can decide if he wants to apprentice, go to college etc.
I had thought it would be difficult for Jake to even consider leaving his peers for academic reasons, but he was excited to learn about the opprtunities that Bateman offers and had now decided he wants to apprentice to be a chef. Hmmm....and he is only 13! Kidding, I know this life decision is not set in stone. However for him to go from not wanting to finish grade 8 let alone high school, to being enthusiastic about the fall because of the chef program......AMAZING! (more on the school refusal issues later, that is our current struggle!)
Wednesday 11 January 2012
A 13 Year old's Perspective on His PCS
Jake entered a radio station contest stating why he needed to win a vacation. I found it very interesting to read what he wrote totally in his own words. (I did find it funny that he used the word "misdiagnosed", it showed me that he does listen when I share his story with others!). Here you go....
"Hi my name is jake and I am 13 years old and I am writing to you on behalf of my family. We wanna get outta here because 2011 was a huge struggle financially and emotionally. I myself have just recovered from post concussion syndrome, for 2 years many different doctors have misdiagnosed me with different things, meaning wasted money on medication that was not needed. I felt like i was going crazy with all the headaches.Now that I am starting to feel normal again I think I deserve a vacation. And spend some well needed family time!!! If you guys pick our family to go on a vacation to Cuba... I would be the happiest 13 year old on earth!!! "
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Two Amazing Resources - A free online book on TBI and a complete checklist of PCS Symptoms
"Nearly all of the survivors of a traumatic head injury and
their families with whom I have worked have had one
complaint: There is nothing written that explains head
injury in clear, easy to understand language. Most say the
available material is too medical or too difficult to read.
The goal of this online book is to better prepare the head
injured person and family for the long road ahead."
This is the introduction to Dr. Glen
Johnson, Clinical Neuropsychologist's online book, Traumatic Brain Injury Survival Guide Traumatic Brain Injury Survival Guide I found this to be the most informative resource that I have come across.
Combined with the checklist of symptoms from the Brain Injury Resource Centre I was able to validate all of Jake's issues over the last two and a half years.
These are great tools to use if you think you or your child are suffering from Post Concussion Syndrome / Traumatic Brain Injury. A concussion IS a brain injury!
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