Jake's Graduation! Closing one chapter of his life for another. Bittersweet.

Certification of Graduation from Grade 8.
It is with both a heavy heart and an open mind that we picked this up from the school last Friday.  With  Jake being informally home schooled since the spring he had the choice to attend graduation or not.  He chose not to.  He never wavered in his decision, feeling that he had left that group of peers behind months ago and was completely disconnected from any school events.  I made sure he was choosing not to go for his own reasons, and not letting anyone dictate what he could and could not do.  I did not want my son missing out on a "milestone of his childhood" because he felt he had to avoid one person, or did not feel welcome.  If he did not want to go it was to be on his terms, not because he felt he could not attend.  I also did not want him to regret his choice later in life.
In his words, "Mom, I have not gone to that school in months, and I don't even hang out with anyone from there.  Why would I want to go?"

Hmmm...I had to think about this afterwards.  Because it is a milestone?  Because it is the right thing to do?  Because it is expected?
But really, those are all self imposed by society, or rather parents and peers.  To many young girls it is a big event, the anticipation of what to wear and months of preparation.  To the boys it is more a matter of finding dress shoes that they are willing to wear with dress pants and a tie.  Maybe even working up the courage to ask a girl for a date.  For parents it is that moment on stage when your child receives their diploma, or the mother and son dance before the parents are sent home at the grad dance.

But for Jake, it would actually have been an anxiety provoking event of little relevance to him. I thought of all the  unknowns he would have had to deal with, the lack of preparation through the school, the questions asked of him by his peers as to his schooling situation etc, etc.  Not to mention the fact that he had no interest in attending.  Jake has never been one to go those Saturday night dances at the youth centre, and would attend the school dances begrudgingly, rarely actually dancing at all.

So this "milestone" was not actually viewed as one by Jake.  His milestones were when he started being invited to wing night with the older BMX guys from the bike park, or when he moves from the "under 14" division in the Toronto BMX competietion to the "15 and up" division.  Or when we meet up with the whole family at the cottage once a year.  These are the things that are important to him and have meaning to him.  Graduation is a piece of paper that symbolizes an end to a difficult few years and a new beginning in the fall.

As a parent I realized I had to let go of my emotional attachment to graduation  and respect Jake's decision.  Knowing that he felt good about moving forward made it easier.  And the fact that they did not have a dance at all, let alone a mother son one!
So it is with this entry that I close the chapter on Jake's elementary school experience and look forward to the challenges of high school!