We are only just surviving right now, on many levels. Jake's "I don't care attitude" is at an all time high, and as parents we are at an all time low! Today Jake made some poor choices this morning that led to him losing a privilege that is very important to him. Details spared, we are dealing with aggression, anger, anxiety and manipulation. However....I had quite the day and feel like I went from despair to empowerment.
I tried to get a referral from the Neurologist to the local Brain Injury Clinic at McMaster Children's Hospital in the past, but was told that Jake may not be a candidate for it. Which I accepted, until recently when I have realized that Jake would benefit from wrap around care with a neuropsychologist, a social worker, an occupational therapist etc etc. After speaking with Kerry Goulet and Scott Haller from www.stopconcussions.com, Carla from Ontario Brain Injury Association and someone from Brain Injury Services over the last few days, I was advised to push for that referral. And so I did! When I called our neurologist, I was told that he is "too swamped" to do a referral, we would be best to get it from the pediatrician or family doctor. Who am I to argue? I drove the referral form to the pediatrician and she agreed to submit it for us.
I also picked up the homeopathic remedy that we are going to try for the
emotional outbursts, as we are not ready to try any more prescription drugs at this point. Fingers crossed!
In my recent conversations I was also referred to a neuropsychologist at University of Toronto, and even though we cannot go private right now, we may be able to get some advice at the least. I am just waiting for their return call.
I also dragged Jake to
physiotherapy at MMTR even though he originally refused to go....and he was
better for it, he is in a fairly good mood tonight!
And I finally got
the IEP from the school in writing, I just
need to request a few details to be added...
So, an emotional day but I
accomplished a lot. And I realized that while he is most likely using
his PCS to avoid things he does not like, there is a reason Jake does not
like these things. They are hard for him, challenge him, and make him
anxious. Maybe I just needed a reminder and Jake needed a wee bit of tough love.
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Monday 20 February 2012
Classroom Flipping...Have you heard of it? AMAZING!
I am not going to say much about this post, but please check out the video yourself if you have not already seen it.
The whole idea of homework is archaic and I love the idea of learning the lesson at home and then actually doing the work in class as a group. Why struggle to do the homework when the teacher is not there to help you?
I think the whole education system needs to be FLIPPED!!!!
Lots more detail on Flipping the Classroom on the
FIZZ website.
The whole idea of homework is archaic and I love the idea of learning the lesson at home and then actually doing the work in class as a group. Why struggle to do the homework when the teacher is not there to help you?
I think the whole education system needs to be FLIPPED!!!!
Lots more detail on Flipping the Classroom on the
FIZZ website.
Monday 13 February 2012
What do I want for my birthday?
It is my birthday tomorrow. And it is my husband, Mike's birthday too. We were born on the same day, Valentine's Day, in the same year.....4 minutes apart. Someone once told us we were either twins or complete opposites. 21 years later and we are still trying to figure out which!
Anyway, this year I know without even asking, what Mike wants for his birthday. I want the same thing. We want our son back. We want our son with the quirky sense of humour, the one who speaks in silly voices so much that it is contagious, who is not too big to give his mom hugs, who has compassion for those with special needs, and loves to draw. We see him on occasion, but lately he is hidden behind an angry, frustrated kid who is ready to give up on himself. For my birthday I want nothing more than for that kid to take a back seat, and for Jacob to shine again.
Jake is struggling academically, he seems to have gotten himself into a vicious cycle at school. He has days where he is so overwhelmed (either by anxiety caused by workload, inappropriate expectations of him, or bullying issues) that he has a panic attack even before he goes out the door. Or sometimes they even happen in the middle of the night, he will wake up in a confused and scared state during a night terror that stems from anxiety. Other days he is just too tired to be able to get out of bed and function. These are happening less often, due to his physiotherapy, but if he over exerts himself on a weekend or evening he pays the price the next day. Or there are days where he refuses to go to school because he "hates it" and does not see the point of going. When he has these mornings he does tend to miss school. It is not without a fight from us, we do not simply give in and let him stay home all day playing video games. It is quite often a huge battle of wills, thrown out consequences and fear on our part of being "played". (That is another story.) Anyway, after taking a day to regroup, Jake plans to go to school the next day. But then he wakes up and thinks about the work he has missed, how much he has to catch up on, tests he will be missing information on, and the trouble he will get in for missing school in the first place. Unfortunately the school system plays upon this fear, "you should have been at school", "you have a lot of catching up to do".......yes he does, but Jake does not need constant reminders of that after struggling to walk through the front doors. He needs a "hey, good to see you made it", or, "let's figure out how to catch you up".........This is how that vicious cycle I was referring to works.
In a perfect world this cycle would be broken and Jake would buy back into the school system, being set up for success....but even in this perfect world Jake would need to help himself too. Which he does not. So I guess I need to add that to my birthday wish list. I wish Jake would help himself, because you cannot help someone if they are not willing to help themselves. He has given up on himself and does not understand that he is important enough to make the effort, that he is worth it. I want him to see that even with the help of all the counselors, therapists, teachers, psyhiologists, neurologists etc, he still has to do the work himself. I wish that Jake would see that he has huge potential and that he can overcome this.
And with that I blow out my 29 birthday candles and make my 2 wishes. And Mike's wishes too.
Happy Birthday to me and Mike!
Anyway, this year I know without even asking, what Mike wants for his birthday. I want the same thing. We want our son back. We want our son with the quirky sense of humour, the one who speaks in silly voices so much that it is contagious, who is not too big to give his mom hugs, who has compassion for those with special needs, and loves to draw. We see him on occasion, but lately he is hidden behind an angry, frustrated kid who is ready to give up on himself. For my birthday I want nothing more than for that kid to take a back seat, and for Jacob to shine again.
Jake is struggling academically, he seems to have gotten himself into a vicious cycle at school. He has days where he is so overwhelmed (either by anxiety caused by workload, inappropriate expectations of him, or bullying issues) that he has a panic attack even before he goes out the door. Or sometimes they even happen in the middle of the night, he will wake up in a confused and scared state during a night terror that stems from anxiety. Other days he is just too tired to be able to get out of bed and function. These are happening less often, due to his physiotherapy, but if he over exerts himself on a weekend or evening he pays the price the next day. Or there are days where he refuses to go to school because he "hates it" and does not see the point of going. When he has these mornings he does tend to miss school. It is not without a fight from us, we do not simply give in and let him stay home all day playing video games. It is quite often a huge battle of wills, thrown out consequences and fear on our part of being "played". (That is another story.) Anyway, after taking a day to regroup, Jake plans to go to school the next day. But then he wakes up and thinks about the work he has missed, how much he has to catch up on, tests he will be missing information on, and the trouble he will get in for missing school in the first place. Unfortunately the school system plays upon this fear, "you should have been at school", "you have a lot of catching up to do".......yes he does, but Jake does not need constant reminders of that after struggling to walk through the front doors. He needs a "hey, good to see you made it", or, "let's figure out how to catch you up".........This is how that vicious cycle I was referring to works.
In a perfect world this cycle would be broken and Jake would buy back into the school system, being set up for success....but even in this perfect world Jake would need to help himself too. Which he does not. So I guess I need to add that to my birthday wish list. I wish Jake would help himself, because you cannot help someone if they are not willing to help themselves. He has given up on himself and does not understand that he is important enough to make the effort, that he is worth it. I want him to see that even with the help of all the counselors, therapists, teachers, psyhiologists, neurologists etc, he still has to do the work himself. I wish that Jake would see that he has huge potential and that he can overcome this.
And with that I blow out my 29 birthday candles and make my 2 wishes. And Mike's wishes too.
Happy Birthday to me and Mike!
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Prepping for High School with PCS
It is that time again......grade 8's completing their option sheets, attempting to plan the rest of their lives with peer pressures and minimal direction. Do we really expect these 13 year olds to determine their life goals and career options with the underdeveloped brains that they possess???? I have to ask Jake at least twice if he is sure the jeans he is about to buy fit properly. (He tends to think he is still in a size 12!!!)...and thinking ahead for dinner ideas when going grocery shopping? Yeah right!
So what makes us think that he will be able to tell us if he thinks he will need French in his future, or if he can handle academic level classes? Throw a brain injury into the mix and who knows what the results will be!
That is why Jake is going to a different school than his peers in his current class. We are jumping ship from the small, underpopulated Catholic JK to Grade 8 school he is in now, and going to Grade 9 in the public system. 98% of his class will be going to the two local Catholic schools, depending on where they live. Jake and one other classmate that I know of will be pursuing alternate education. Don't get me wrong, he is not attending a specialized school or private school. It just happens that the public school near us has much more to offer to those who have different learning styles than the academic-minded Catholic School.
Robert Bateman High School believes that all children can learn, "some students learn differently, some students have different gifts, some students have different capacities to demonstrate mastery of new learning". That is where Jake needs to be. Somewhere that he is supported in his struggles and respected for his talents. Once he is settled into high school and been given the opportunity to explore different options and technological programs, then he can decide if he wants to apprentice, go to college etc.
I had thought it would be difficult for Jake to even consider leaving his peers for academic reasons, but he was excited to learn about the opprtunities that Bateman offers and had now decided he wants to apprentice to be a chef. Hmmm....and he is only 13! Kidding, I know this life decision is not set in stone. However for him to go from not wanting to finish grade 8 let alone high school, to being enthusiastic about the fall because of the chef program......AMAZING! (more on the school refusal issues later, that is our current struggle!)
So what makes us think that he will be able to tell us if he thinks he will need French in his future, or if he can handle academic level classes? Throw a brain injury into the mix and who knows what the results will be!
That is why Jake is going to a different school than his peers in his current class. We are jumping ship from the small, underpopulated Catholic JK to Grade 8 school he is in now, and going to Grade 9 in the public system. 98% of his class will be going to the two local Catholic schools, depending on where they live. Jake and one other classmate that I know of will be pursuing alternate education. Don't get me wrong, he is not attending a specialized school or private school. It just happens that the public school near us has much more to offer to those who have different learning styles than the academic-minded Catholic School.
Robert Bateman High School believes that all children can learn, "some students learn differently, some students have different gifts, some students have different capacities to demonstrate mastery of new learning". That is where Jake needs to be. Somewhere that he is supported in his struggles and respected for his talents. Once he is settled into high school and been given the opportunity to explore different options and technological programs, then he can decide if he wants to apprentice, go to college etc.
I had thought it would be difficult for Jake to even consider leaving his peers for academic reasons, but he was excited to learn about the opprtunities that Bateman offers and had now decided he wants to apprentice to be a chef. Hmmm....and he is only 13! Kidding, I know this life decision is not set in stone. However for him to go from not wanting to finish grade 8 let alone high school, to being enthusiastic about the fall because of the chef program......AMAZING! (more on the school refusal issues later, that is our current struggle!)
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