"Freedman and Hemenway (2000) found that 12 of 16 death row inmates had a history of brain damage, in many cases due to multiple insults and inflicted by caregivers and family members.
The link between brain injury and crime is thought to be damage to the frontal lobes of the
brain. Frontal lobe injury has been associated with loss of control over sub-cortical and limbic
structures involved in primitive impulses (Grafman et al, 1996). Lesions in these areas may influence functions such as social perception, self-control and judgement, as well as emotions and mood. Thus,the link between brain injury and crime may reflect the effects of brain injury-related cognitive and emotional impairments on behaviour. An individual may misperceive elements of a situation, make poor social judgements, overreact to provocative stimuli, and lack the communication skills to verbally negotiate conflict or strike out impulsively." **
This is being taught in university level criminology courses and psychology courses. It sounds harsh. Especially when I compare it to my son's experience with a traumatic brain injury. Or does it?......
When I try to simply sum up the neurological effect that multiple concussions have had on my son I will often say that he lost the ability to: regulate his emotions, control his anger, problem solve, understand consequences, retain new information, as well as suffering short term memory loss. Not to mention the physical symptoms he experienced, the daily headaches, dizziness, general malaise, which can add to the neurological stress when you are dealing with them daily.
So, is it really that far off what this study is suggesting? I think not. I am not saying that my son, or anyone else suffering from a brain injury, post concussion syndrome or head trauma (all the same thing btw!), is going to end up a criminal or behave in any criminal manner. But, I do agree that the above impairments are part of a brain injury. And I suppose that if not identified, acknowledged or treated in a young person, these impairments could have dire effects on that person's future.
I have to admit that I do recall a conversation with Jake about the need to control his anger. We were talking about his emotional explosions occurring more at home than elsewhere, but if he was not able to control his anger at home then what would happen if he found himself in a situation elsewhere that made him angry. What if he had a rough day, went out to a party with friends and ended up in a confrontational incident with someone. Would he be able to control that rush of emotions and stop the anger and agression from taking over? What if he could not? And what if for some reason he had some sort of weapon on him? Not that I really think he would be capable of hurting someone maliciously, let alone carry a weapon, but there had been recent news stories of teens being killed or hurt by one senseless teen who happened to have a knife at a party, so there were grounds for the conversation. As we talked it through, Jake decided it was "just stupid" for a teen to even go out anywhere with a knife, especially if they were drinking, because they could be asking for trouble. But my point to Jake at the time was that he had to get his anger under control before it took control of him.
And maybe that is what was missing for the individuals referred to in this study, they did not, or could not, take control of their "impairments".
I am appreciative of any research done on brain injury and the awareness it creates, even if it is shed in a negative light. At least this research gives cold hard facts to those who do not understand brain injury, and can address the fact that it is not something to be taken lightly. I am also appreciative that personally we have been able to move beyond the emotional outbursts through therapy and homeopathic treatment (more on that later), and I know that Jake's future is not one where I need to be concerned about his impairments resulting in such criminal activity.
**
http://pi.library.yorku.ca/ojs/index.php/ijcst/article/viewFile/35161/31901
International Journal of Criminology and Sociological Theory, Vol. 5, No.1, June 2012, 864-870
Thursday 24 May 2012
Thursday 17 May 2012
Mother's Day Bliss
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you awesome mothers out there!
I was not able actually post this on Mother's Day because I was too busy.....I was busy being served breakfast in bed by my kids, sitting in the backyard enjoying my new anti-gravity chair, sipping a nice cold beer and being soaked in a water balloon fight. It was the best day we have had in a long time! I say "we" with a huge smile on my face. Jake actually stayed home all day, forsaking riding with his friends to stay home and hang out with his family. And no one asked him to. Now, moms of teens will understand how rare it is that a teen actually spends quality time with the fam, let alone doing so on their own accord...happily!
Jake and Kali spent the whole day laughing, play fighting, and filling up hundreds of water balloons. (Too many of which were used on me later that day!!).
Just that feeling of knowing how far we have come, despite the uphill battle it has been, seeing my kids soaking wet, laughing and joking was the best feeling in the world and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world.
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you awesome mothers out there!
I was not able actually post this on Mother's Day because I was too busy.....I was busy being served breakfast in bed by my kids, sitting in the backyard enjoying my new anti-gravity chair, sipping a nice cold beer and being soaked in a water balloon fight. It was the best day we have had in a long time! I say "we" with a huge smile on my face. Jake actually stayed home all day, forsaking riding with his friends to stay home and hang out with his family. And no one asked him to. Now, moms of teens will understand how rare it is that a teen actually spends quality time with the fam, let alone doing so on their own accord...happily!
Jake and Kali spent the whole day laughing, play fighting, and filling up hundreds of water balloons. (Too many of which were used on me later that day!!).
Just that feeling of knowing how far we have come, despite the uphill battle it has been, seeing my kids soaking wet, laughing and joking was the best feeling in the world and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world.
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| My Mother's Day card from Jake. CLASSIC! |
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| My Mother's Day card from Kali, she knows me well, I love cherries! |
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Our Choice
It has been a while since I blogged about the roller coaster ride we are on. I wanted to write down my emotions and struggles, to document and share our story as usual, but I was also hesitant to share those thoughts in fear of being judged. Now I am glad to be able to update my blog and am proud of the choice we have made.
We pulled Jake out of school.
And we now know that it was the best possible decision that we could have made for our son.
It was a hard one and I do not expect everyone to understand it. In fact, I expect very few people to understand it, but those that do will agree that sometimes you need to do what is best for your child and not to worry about the "system" or the norm.....or being judged for your actions.
Out of respect for Jake's privacy I have not written a lot about school and the issues we were having, but there were issues and one's that I would not wish upon anyone! In short, the process of putting a formal IEP (Individual Edication Plan) in place with teachers support was a long one, and Jake never really felt that his teachers understood his needs or challenges. We also suddenly realized that even though Jake had looked like he was doing ok last year, none of the concepts taught to him "stuck". He had coasted along but with short term memory challenges and lack of problem solving skills due to PCS, he did not gain the pre-requisite skills required for grade 8. Combine those academic setbacks with the general anxiety Jake already felt about school, and the social challenges (which I wrote about a few months ago) and you have a recipe for school refusal.
School refusal is a very scary behaviour for both the parents and the child. I will sum it up by saying that Jake's wish to not go to school was so huge that he missed out on things near and dear to him when given ultimatums. Having to deal with emotions that overwhelming must be very scary to a 13 year old. And as a parent you are scared of the judgement, of the consequences from the school and law, and more importantly, for your child's future.
So we decided to save our relationship with our son, to give him the opportunity to heal, rest and succeed rather than forcing him to face his biggest stress every day.
Even with those very specific goals we still doubted ourselves, until today. Today I witnessed first hand what Jake had been trying to tell us for months. At a school function I saw a complete lack of empathy, understanding and support from teachers for a child in need. A middle school student sat in tears on a stage during a school play as he forgot his lines and froze. Two staff were in the wings of the stage, and yet for two minutes that child sat with head in hands, crying, until the other students continued on with their lines and the curtain closed on the act. Just before the curtain closed I saw a younger student get up from the audience to go and help. But the adult staff did not make a move to support this child. Myself and other parents around me were in shock, concerned that this poor child had to endure those long two minutes on stage without anyone coming to his rescue. Luckily another student stepped in for the 2nd act so the child could leave the stage. But it did not end there. That child was told to apologize to the class after the play. This child, who knew all their lines during rehearsal, who simply got stage fright and then broke down emotionally on stage, had to apologize...????? For what?? I can tell you that none of those fellow classmates expected an apology, because they were asking that child in the hallway after if they were ok, not laying blame or thinking of themselves.
The very fact that I witnessed a child not receiving the support that they needed, and then to learn of the aftermath only confirmed to me what I already knew and what Jake had been trying to tell me all along. Like this child, Jake did not feel supported or understood within his school environment.
Today was the day that I knew we did the right thing.
We are still waiting on board approved home instruction from the school board, which will allow a teacher to provide home instruction for 3 to 5 hours a week to us. In the meantime we are doing the odd project at home, researching and creating meaningful activities for Jake. And we are seeing that without the daily stress of school, Jake is thriving! Over the past few weeks we have seen more and more of the old Jake, and also of a new Jake, one who is more mature and who is able to overcome some of his anxieties (some of which he does not even realize he is doing, until he is reminded of what he has struggled with in the past).
I am confident that what we are seeing is a direct result of the choice that we made last month.
Cheers to a new start for Jake and for us as parents for doing what we knew deep down was the right thing for our family.
We pulled Jake out of school.
And we now know that it was the best possible decision that we could have made for our son.
It was a hard one and I do not expect everyone to understand it. In fact, I expect very few people to understand it, but those that do will agree that sometimes you need to do what is best for your child and not to worry about the "system" or the norm.....or being judged for your actions.
Out of respect for Jake's privacy I have not written a lot about school and the issues we were having, but there were issues and one's that I would not wish upon anyone! In short, the process of putting a formal IEP (Individual Edication Plan) in place with teachers support was a long one, and Jake never really felt that his teachers understood his needs or challenges. We also suddenly realized that even though Jake had looked like he was doing ok last year, none of the concepts taught to him "stuck". He had coasted along but with short term memory challenges and lack of problem solving skills due to PCS, he did not gain the pre-requisite skills required for grade 8. Combine those academic setbacks with the general anxiety Jake already felt about school, and the social challenges (which I wrote about a few months ago) and you have a recipe for school refusal.
School refusal is a very scary behaviour for both the parents and the child. I will sum it up by saying that Jake's wish to not go to school was so huge that he missed out on things near and dear to him when given ultimatums. Having to deal with emotions that overwhelming must be very scary to a 13 year old. And as a parent you are scared of the judgement, of the consequences from the school and law, and more importantly, for your child's future.
So we decided to save our relationship with our son, to give him the opportunity to heal, rest and succeed rather than forcing him to face his biggest stress every day.
Even with those very specific goals we still doubted ourselves, until today. Today I witnessed first hand what Jake had been trying to tell us for months. At a school function I saw a complete lack of empathy, understanding and support from teachers for a child in need. A middle school student sat in tears on a stage during a school play as he forgot his lines and froze. Two staff were in the wings of the stage, and yet for two minutes that child sat with head in hands, crying, until the other students continued on with their lines and the curtain closed on the act. Just before the curtain closed I saw a younger student get up from the audience to go and help. But the adult staff did not make a move to support this child. Myself and other parents around me were in shock, concerned that this poor child had to endure those long two minutes on stage without anyone coming to his rescue. Luckily another student stepped in for the 2nd act so the child could leave the stage. But it did not end there. That child was told to apologize to the class after the play. This child, who knew all their lines during rehearsal, who simply got stage fright and then broke down emotionally on stage, had to apologize...????? For what?? I can tell you that none of those fellow classmates expected an apology, because they were asking that child in the hallway after if they were ok, not laying blame or thinking of themselves.
The very fact that I witnessed a child not receiving the support that they needed, and then to learn of the aftermath only confirmed to me what I already knew and what Jake had been trying to tell me all along. Like this child, Jake did not feel supported or understood within his school environment.
Today was the day that I knew we did the right thing.
We are still waiting on board approved home instruction from the school board, which will allow a teacher to provide home instruction for 3 to 5 hours a week to us. In the meantime we are doing the odd project at home, researching and creating meaningful activities for Jake. And we are seeing that without the daily stress of school, Jake is thriving! Over the past few weeks we have seen more and more of the old Jake, and also of a new Jake, one who is more mature and who is able to overcome some of his anxieties (some of which he does not even realize he is doing, until he is reminded of what he has struggled with in the past).
I am confident that what we are seeing is a direct result of the choice that we made last month.
Cheers to a new start for Jake and for us as parents for doing what we knew deep down was the right thing for our family.
Always be sure to follow your instincts, there is nothing stronger than that.
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