Our Choice

It has been a while since I blogged about the roller coaster ride we are on.  I wanted to write down my emotions and struggles, to document and share our story as usual, but I was also hesitant to share those thoughts in fear of being judged.  Now I am glad to be able to update my blog and am proud of the choice we have made. 
We pulled Jake out of school.
And we now know that it was the best possible decision that we could have made for our son.

It was a hard one and I do not expect everyone to understand it.  In fact, I expect very few people to understand it, but those that do will agree that sometimes you need to do what is best for your child and not to worry about the "system" or the norm.....or being judged for your actions.

Out of respect for Jake's privacy I have not written a lot about school and the issues we were having, but there were issues and one's that I would not wish upon anyone!  In short, the process of putting a formal IEP (Individual Edication Plan) in place with teachers support was a long one, and Jake never really felt that his teachers understood his needs or challenges.  We also suddenly realized that even though Jake had looked like he was doing ok last year, none of the concepts taught to him "stuck".  He had coasted along but with short term memory challenges and lack of problem solving skills due to PCS, he did not gain the pre-requisite skills required for grade 8.  Combine those academic setbacks with the general anxiety Jake already felt about school, and the social challenges (which I wrote about a few months ago)  and you have a recipe for school refusal.   

School refusal is a very scary behaviour for both the parents and the child. I will sum it up by saying that Jake's wish to not go to school was so huge that he missed out on things near and dear to him when given ultimatums.  Having to deal with emotions that overwhelming must be very scary to a 13 year old.  And as a parent you are scared of the judgement, of the consequences from the school and law, and more importantly, for your child's future.

So we decided to save our relationship with our son, to give him the opportunity to heal, rest and succeed rather than forcing him to face his biggest stress every day.

Even with those very specific goals we still doubted ourselves, until today.  Today I witnessed first hand what Jake had been trying to tell us for months.  At a school function I saw a complete lack of empathy, understanding and support from teachers for a child in need.  A middle school student sat in tears on a stage during a school play as he forgot his lines and froze.  Two staff were in the wings of the stage, and yet for two minutes that child sat with head in hands, crying, until the other students continued on with their lines and the curtain closed on the act.  Just before the curtain closed I saw a younger student get up from the audience to go and help.  But the adult staff did not make a move to support this child.  Myself and other parents around me were in shock, concerned that this poor child had to endure those long two minutes on stage without anyone coming to his rescue.  Luckily another student stepped in for the 2nd act so the child could leave the stage.  But it did not end there.  That child was told to apologize to the class after the play.  This child, who knew all their lines during rehearsal, who simply got stage fright and then broke down emotionally on stage, had to apologize...????? For what??  I can tell you that none of those fellow classmates expected an apology, because they were asking that child in the hallway after if they were ok, not laying blame or thinking of themselves.

The very fact that I witnessed a child not receiving the support that they needed, and then to learn of the aftermath only confirmed to me what I already knew and what Jake had been trying to tell me all along.  Like this child, Jake did not feel supported or understood within his school environment. 
Today was the day that I knew we did the right thing.

We are still waiting on board approved home instruction from the school board, which will allow a teacher to provide home instruction for  3 to 5 hours a week to us.  In the meantime we are doing the odd project at home, researching and creating meaningful activities for Jake.  And we are seeing that without the daily stress of school, Jake is thriving!  Over the past few weeks we have seen more and more of the old Jake, and also of a new Jake, one who is more mature and who is able to overcome some of his anxieties (some of which he does not even realize he is doing, until he is reminded of what he has struggled with in the past).

I am confident that what we are seeing is a direct result of the choice that we made last month.
Cheers to a new start for Jake and for us as parents for doing what we knew deep down was the right thing for our family. 

Always be sure to follow your instincts, there is nothing stronger than that.